Women finally have representation at McDonald’s and it only took 47 years. That’s right, Grimace is back in the spotlight and the fast-food chain is changing his roles. The McArtists have agreed and decided on changing the former pro-men rights activist into a Woman to broaden its bank account and inspire little girls everywhere they too can be a purple mascot for a corporation.
Our purple friend’s problematic past image hit stocks hard, making the chain sell a Mcdouble with one slice instead of two in 2012. Old Grimace was last seen drunk at a Dodger’s game dancing aggressively to a couple of women who weren’t asking for his sauce. Later on that night he was arrested with a DUI and was never seen since.
“The old Grimace was fat, lazy, and never catered to women, which is over half of our customers. The new grimace will be culturally aware, woke, and fearless. A necessary change in progress.” Jane Grizzly, head designer for Nu-Grimace.
As expected, most sane citizens of our crazy country couldn’t care less about gender, but this deed no one asked for has sparked a flame inside the men’s rights group MGATPVG. ( Men Going Away To Play Video Games) If you aren’t familiar with this group, you might have smelled them before. Men who join this group claim to be victims of the matriarchy, they swear all women are the same and only want one thing. McChicken Nuggets. They have decided to give up on all interaction with the opposite gender and just play PS4 and Xbone for the rest of their lives. We sat down with a member to find out what’s really grinding their gears?
“Men have looked up to Grimace for decades, we love how aggressive he gets at baseball games, we idolize his body. Have you seen him dancing to Black Betty? Women don’t want us to have representation in the media. First, it was movie roles, then politics, now our hamburgers? When will it stop? “
Rex, leader of the local group in Seattle. We asked if Rex was aware the move was only for a limited time. Unfortunately, Rex had no more time to speak to us here at Leftover Pizza. He was next at the Magic The Gathering tournament we were tricked into meeting him at.
With all the rage, McDonald’s is not backing down from this bold and fearless move. A representative of the shameless company has told us they hope to spread the message that women can be inspiring also by flipping burgers at age 27. To all men out there who are pissed about the reboot, I have one message for you. Women are allowed to eat and work at McDonald’s, get over it.
Leftover Pizza 